Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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