Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
