So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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