she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
