I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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