If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
