if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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