I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Randomize
