and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
