That's intense
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
