dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
