So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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