i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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