It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
