Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
you inspire me to be a worse person
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
