have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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