Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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