AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize
