trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I am spending my child support on dildos
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
