someone get that fucking seahorse.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
