So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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