There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
