Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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