and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Randomize
