Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
