nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
