I accidentally had phone sex last night
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
