fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
