i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
