hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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