don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
