Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I think people are normalizing furries
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
