We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
