Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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