I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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