I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
