I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
