she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Randomize
