I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
zippers are such a cool invention
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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