I can't watch pbs sober anymore
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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