my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize