thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
