Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
