strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
