Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
