fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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