Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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