Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Randomize
