is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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