i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
