He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize