The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
