i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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