Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm having to shit out rocks
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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