It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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