Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
