So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Maybe he injected his testicle?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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