I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
