just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
My breath smells like gin and sadness
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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