Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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