I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
