i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
