Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
is wine microwaveable?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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