"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
