fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
