It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
The adults are the big ones right?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
