you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
