I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
