ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
